Monday, March 31, 2014

sound/image

When I was little, right before I'd go to sleep some nights, I would get stuck in a loop of images that would run over and over as I am perfectly awake and conscious of it happening. These images were sometimes a cat chasing a mouse round and round a garden shed, sometimes a grainy stick figure, trying to carry different punctuations marks on his/her shoulders, but unable to carry it very far.

One of the most memorable ones which put me in a terrifying trance when I was around twelve years old was when I imagined myself looking up at a castle, trying to see the very top of it, but as I looked, higher and higher, the castle wall was just getting taller and taller and I could never see the top of it. With my eyes closed, the camera in my mind was panning higher up the wall while I was shaking. It took a lot of effort to physically shake my body against a wall so I could wake up from the trance. These images were somehow silent and somehow not. The actions involved in the images (chasing, dropping full-stops) weren't making any sound, but there was a sort of roaring and hissing noise which sounded in my head, combined with a heightened sense to any noises going on around me, in the real world.

Today I'm getting the roaring and hissing noises, without being in bed, without being tired and without the images. As I type, my thoughts are very loud and there is a swirling shouting sort of noise which mirrors what I type on a delay. The strange part is that it came out of absolutely no-where; I used to be able to feel these states coming on, and sometimes even use them to feel like I was projecting out of my body and going places. At one point I closed my eyes and could actually imagine my body not existing at all and I thought that I was a little ball of consciousness, floating somewhere in the world.

Maybe, if anyone reads this, they could share something similar they have had in the past? Or share some insight into what triggers these feelings? Anyhow, even if no one wants to respond, maybe it's an interesting insight into the psychological things that go on.